Emotional Wellness

THE GOAL OF WELLNESS

What is a well-being journey? A journey to BE well and stay well.

I believe wellness is a state of being. It is more than a number on the scale, likes on Facebook, reading good books, a great job, or a lovely home. Well-being is made up of six (per the National Wellness Institute) dimensions that overlap and are interdependent. Being aware of these dimensions is like having the tools to tend a garden. Without these tools, the garden would grow rampant in some areas and die in others. It certainly wouldn't self-maintain as a perfect garden. By caring for all of the dimensions of wellness, you'll stay happier and healthier.

The goal? As I've written before, the goal is not to try to be "perfect" in each dimension. There is no end destination of wellness. As a recovering perfectionist, I recognize there is no such thing as perfection, and the pursuit of it actually hinders living life authentically and richly with all of the nuances that imperfection allows. The goal is to be aware of the dimensions that contribute to wellness and to begin small daily steps toward better use of your outer life resources (attention, connections, actions). If you're looking to improve your own well-being, awareness is a great place to start. Sharing ideas may lead to small changes that have a big impact over time. Let the butterfly effect be a higher quality of life!

I previously introduced why I use the term "inside-out well-being journey" in this article, and now I am excited to begin the dive into each dimension of wellness beginning with Emotional Wellness.

EMOTIONAL WELLNESS

How we feel can be very influential in how we’re able to carry out everyday activities and relate to others. Focusing on emotional wellness couldn’t be more important in today’s challenging times.

When you’re emotionally healthy, you’re able to identify and process your emotions with a more optimistic overarching outlook on life. You're adaptable and resilient to the curveballs and stresses of daily life and you're confident to express your emotions healthily regardless of the external environment. Emotional wellness also lowers the risk of mental illness.

Someone who struggles with emotional wellness is easily influenced by what is happening around them. They tend to view life as happening TO them as opposed to FOR them. They can get easily upset and have emotional outbursts from pent up emotions that haven't been processed in a rational or healthy manner. One in five adults suffer from mental illness including depression and anxiety. (Of course, if you feel you suffer from mental illness, please talk to your health care professional or use this link.)

I've experienced a lot of stress and anxiety in my life through different circumstances and in different capacities, and it always makes me feel as though I am sinking in quicksand. We are not alone - no matter how our emotions may make us feel as though we are. The more we normalize the discussion around mental health and emotional wellness, the more we can all handle the waves of life and grow without shame or crippling fear.

Below are some tips I've learned over the years as well as some others I've discovered in my research. As always, it has been integral to my well-being to resolve that life is a journey and emotional wellness is like a muscle that needs exercise and continual practice to perform well.

TIPS

BE PRESENT

The more I learn about and seek wellness on my journey, the more I am certain of the importance of living in the present moment. The past is so heavy and the future so uncertain - no wonder both produce such unnecessary burdens NOW.

Emotional Wellness allows us to remain centered and self-aware...in other words, conscious. Often our emotions are conditioned or subconscious responses to specific stimuli. By being “present” or mindful, we can be conscious of these emotions and practice more resourceful responses.

Our personal resources (value system > intentions > attention > connections > actions) are really ONLY valuable in the moment. They can’t be reused in the past or used ahead in the future. So, we need to be present in order to use them at all. Otherwise, we’re just wasting time and life.

Be present and be well. 💫

MEDITATE & PRAY

There have been times when I was called an “ice queen” and other times when I let my emotions steer me wrong. How can I have both of these extremes within myself? Depending on the emotional-allowance of the environment, I would adjust. Either way, it would typically result in pain for me as well as for others.

I’ve been learning what it means to use meditation and prayer to understand my emotions and seek the truth. I have been learning how to listen to my heart as well as how to speak truth to it. I don’t listen to my emotions without speaking to them, and I don’t speak to my emotions without listening to them.

My emotions are real and important, but they are not my anchor or foundation. Connecting them to my value system is the only way I can navigate life without drowning or suppressing my experience of it. My value system defines how my emotions carry from my inner life to my outer life, which allows for a rich, real, and authentic connection to my personal experience as well as the experience of others.

Meditate, pray & be well. 💫

CONNECT WITH OTHERS

On top of the challenges and trials (or opportunities!), that life has brought all of us in 2020/21, I am balancing being a mom to three boys four-years-old and under, multiple new entrepreneurial endeavors, a shift in the work/home balance with Marco, endless projects as we re-nest permanently into our home, and varying extended familial challenges. It's a lot. I'm not complaining, I'm being real about the season I'm in.

So, how am I in the midst of it all? Why have I not crippled under the weight?

There are moments.

I don't want to discount the times when I feel as though I am sinking in quicksand and can't see any way out because that wouldn't be transparent and honest as I have promised I would be. There are moments, but there is also resilience.

I find a rope to hold onto, and I am slowly pulled out of the quicksand. My rope begins at my value system as the anchor of my wellness. What do I put my faith and hope in? What is my purpose? Why am I here? Who is my guide? Once I reconnect and grab onto my rope, which answers these questions of the heart, I find a hope and a joy that moves outward to my intentions, attention, connections, and actions. By the time I am at action, I may seem to be doing pretty darn well. That's because there has been a great deal of inner work happening before something is obvious to those around me.

You know who witnesses me as I'm sinking and trying to navigate my way to my rope? Marco, my dear husband. He is my other half in life, so he feels and experiences the tough moments along with me. Our connection doesn't begin with my outer life resources. He is a part of my inner life as much as I have been able to grow in twelve years of marriage. He shares my value system, and he is hanging on to the same rope in his dimensions of wellness. He encourages me to remember and points out the rope when I'm sinking.

So, connecting with others for emotional wellness doesn’t mean grabbing a hold of them, it means finding others who share the same rope. 🪢

Connect with others and be well. 💫

COPE WITH LOSS

I had planned on writing about coping with loss in my emotional wellness series, and February 4th just so happens to be my late mother-in-love’s birthday. Anna was a living angel here on Earth, and two years ago she took that job from Heaven. Every day her physical presence is missed, and our family has experienced coping with this immense loss in very personal ways. Anna’s passing makes this tip real to me, and also confirms how important coping with loss is on the emotional wellness journey.

When someone you love dies, your world changes. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. At times it can feel overwhelming, but most people can make it through the process with the loving support of family and friends. One key I have learned in coping myself, and especially in being a support for Marco, is to know the healthy stages of grief because we can be susceptible to judging ourselves and others as we navigate the emotional waves. Here are the seven stages of grief:

1. Shock and denial

2. Pain and guilt

3. Anger and bargaining

4. Depression

5. The upward turn

6. Reconstruction and working through

7. Acceptance and hope

It is also important to not consider “loss” to exclusively mean death. Coping with loss can include the very difficult experiences of ending a friendship, separating with a business partner, going through a divorce, retirement, leaving a job, and any other form of losing someone or something that was integral to your identity and happiness. I’ve personally experienced many of these losses as well and later realized I never fully grieved, which stunted my emotional wellness for long periods of time.

Here are a few ways to help cope with loss and serve on your emotional wellness journey:

1. Seek out caring people

2. Take care of your health

3. Accept that life is for the living

4. Don't offer false comfort

5. Offer practical help

6. Be patient

I am praying for anyone coping with loss, and I am consciously taking time to speak about and remember Anna. 💫

EMOTIONAL WELLNESS ESSENTIALS

Other tips for Emotional Wellness are:

• be mindful

• reduce stress

• get quality sleep

• cultivate self-awareness and self-acceptance

• identify and express your emotions constructively

• engage in effective relationships

• practice self-control and self-esteem

• be willing to work on your own flaws and defects

• develop resilience

• learn to cope effectively with challenging states

• remain calm and centered

• be responsible for your own actions

• understand the impact of your emotional expressions on yourself and others

Remember wellness a journey. Give yourself the space to learn and grow, and be sure to share with those around you. We’re here to connect.

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