In Her Shoes In A Pandemic
Building Empathy For All Experiences
Presently, our world seems to be divided in many ways. However, there is one commonality among all people during this time of the Covid-19 pandemic; everyone is having to shift and change their understanding of normal. Beyond a changing normal and a lack of certainty, life has taken a very difficult turn in relation to work for most people. Millions have lost their jobs, many have been furloughed, business owners are having to make very tough decisions, or even close. People are trying to work remotely under varying circumstances, and nearly every industry is in a crisis concerning how to move forward to an uncertain future.
All of the experiences that I have heard about from friends and family and what I have read or watched on television are so intense and unique that I feel humbled, small, and helpless in the midst of such tremendous challenges. However, I hold to the truth that when I have gone through a challenge or a trial in my life, there has always been learning in it and growth on the other side. I realize that is a difficult “positive pill” to swallow in the midst of suffering, but I believe deeply in the healing power of searching challenges for hidden blessings.
I have touched upon a few silver linings I have noticed about this time in A Pause Button, Goodbye Normal and Off Balance. As we’re all contemplating how to move forward, I believe this is a very important moment to be conscious about what we invite back into our new “normal”. I deeply believe I needed a reset button in life, and this reset couldn’t align more with my shift in focusing on a sincere, honest, and vulnerable inside-out wellbeing journey.
Another positive result that I am noticing more and more is the capacity to open ourselves to others’ experiences and increase our empathy. As I mentioned, not one person I have spoken to is having an identical experience. All are challenged and struggling in one form or another, but no experience is the same. It has truly tested me to grow in my ability to step into others’ shoes and understand what this crazy world looks like from their experience. When I felt led to write as I entered another life transition, I believed my responsibility was to use my life and experiences as fruit for others. Otherwise, I couldn’t see the purpose for walking through so many lessons, joys, sorrows, challenges, and successes just for myself. What is it all for? It must be for other people. If I have any purpose in sharing my life, it is to create a dialogue, to use my voice to open an awareness, to ignite a soulful search, to ask questions and seek answers.
So, perhaps in sharing a unique experience and point of view I can open some understanding and empathy for a niche I understand personally, and perhaps it will open others to share their unique perspective so we can all grow and learn from one another. We can learn about silver linings that may not be obvious to our experience, and we can learn from the growth of other people through trials to expand our own wellbeing journey beyond our personal experience.
A NICHE I KNOW
Being a woman, a mother, and a professional, my experience lends me to feel connected to the situation that many women are finding themselves in these days. I feel it would do all a disservice to not pay attention to these women and the problems their situation presents to the business world. Not only are women taking on more at home, which creates stress, but many women are also having to put their job or job search on the shelf with little hope of reentering the job market any time soon.
THE DOUBLE, DOUBLE SHIFT
Let’s be honest. Many women who work full time, work full time in two organizations – a company and home. I personally don’t know any moms who don’t return home after a long day at the office and immediately put on their mom role with as much energy and joy as they can gather. It’s a double shift every day, and it’s a long day before the kiddos are in bed, the house is tidied up, and maybe there are a few minutes to sit and connect with the spouse before going to bed.
Now, the coronavirus has added another job on top of the day job, which is already on top of the job of being a mom. Child-care, homeschooling, caring for sick relatives, cleaning, cooking, etc. has all piled on top of the already non-existent free time. Sheryl Sandberg called this a double, double shift in her article in Fortune. Here are some facts they uncovered in an April survey:
One in four women say they are experiencing severe anxiety with physical symptoms like a racing heartbeat.
More than half of all women are currently struggling with sleep issues.
31% of women with full-time jobs and families say they have more to do than they can possibly handle.
During the coronavirus, a typical woman who works full time and has a partner and kids is spending 71 hours every week on housework and caregiving, including the new responsibilities of the pandemic. That’s nearly two full-time jobs—before she starts doing her actual full-time job.
CAREER ON A SHELF
I also read another article on LinkedIn this week about the effect the coronavirus is having on Millennial women’s careers and job searches. The article focused on a woman who was in final rounds of being hired by Google until they notified her that the position was no longer available when the pandemic hit. She has a 17-month-old and she is nearly two months pregnant. After resorting to considering jobs that she was highly over-qualified for, the pandemic has forced her to make the choice to focus on her family, and she wonders whether it's worth it to go back to work at all.
I AM THAT WOMAN
As I read this article, I could have been reading about myself. My context is different, but I was in the midst of a major career transition and unexpectedly pregnant (blessed but shocked) with my third son just before the coronavirus hit. Many of the entrepreneurial plans and ideas I was working on had to go on a back burner as my husband and I braced for the changes. Now, I needed to be home full-time with my 3 year-old and 1 year-old sons and make them my first priority as I continued to get more and more pregnant and closer to having a newborn.
Only a mother can understand what it means to know that a maternity leave is coming. It is a beautiful time, but also a Twilight Zone where time and space don’t exist. So, I have to prepare for a few weeks of zero “work” productivity and plan to focus solely on the new baby, my other two boys, my husband, and myself.
Truthfully, the coronavirus has given me a major priority check, so I feel more connected to what matters and healthily prioritized for my third maternity leave better than I ever did for my other two. I basically worked through my two other maternities for no valid reason beyond my own perfectionism and a poor analysis of truth. For this, I am very grateful. A blessing in the midst of a trial!
THE RISK
So, what are the options for women in this position? Trying to fit in sufficient at-home work is nearly impossible. Home needs them. Young children are 100% dependent and require full attention during awake hours. Children in school need someone to monitor their home schooling. As outlined above, statistics show that women are filling these new gaps in their family operational structure.
With schools shut down nationwide, only 3% of women said their male partner is doing a majority of homeschooling, according to a recent poll by Morning Consult for The New York Times. (source)
My husband and I have tried to make a balance work where I dedicate a small amount of time to work, develop content, network, maintain business relationships, and so forth. He also requires uninterrupted time for his work. So, basically, we’re both operating at a fraction of what was our “normal” dedicated time for work. Prior to my career transition, I was working 10 to 12 hour work days and keeping my cell phone on my hip while trying to be “mom” when I was at home. Now, I am full time mom and trying to fit in any time to advance my entrepreneurial plans; essentially a complete role reversal. Our boys are very young, and anyone with young children knows there is no such thing as working while providing adequate attention and love for a child’s needs.
LinkedIn data supports a pandemic labor market where women are disproportionately impacted by this crisis. Of the 20.5 million jobs lost in April, women held 55% of them, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. Last month, the unemployment rate for women grew by 0.9% compared with 0.7% for men.
With no clarity on when schools will be able to reopen and operate fully or when childcare will again be a viable solution, women are having to analyze their options with major restrictions. It’s almost easier to consider not putting the effort into staying active and competitive in a diminishing job market - especially when that can only add to the stress.
Considering all the benefits of a balanced workforce and the qualities of female leadership that I outlined in “Women in the Lead” this is not only to the detriment of women professionals, it is a major risk for businesses to not have eyes on these women.
HOW TO LEAD MOVING FORWARD
For employees working remotely:
Lessen the Load
Leaders need to give their teams much-needed emotional support. If employees have young children, if they're homeschooling, or if they have a family member in the hospital, they must communicate clearly to their manager. At that point, a manager needs to act as a leader and make a concerted effort to adjust work accordingly.
Make Check-Ins Quick and Minimize Video Calls
Leaders should take a cue from start-ups and hold regular “stand up” meetings, which means they’re so short no one needs to sit down. Let people quickly share what they’re working on, flag problems, readjust priorities, and ask for help. Do not require nonstop Zoom calls, which has become a major complaint during the pandemic. No one can manage their additional load while being expected to have a camera on them for meetings all day long.
Create and Maintain Flexible Work Conditions Post Pandemic
Provide flexible work models to all employees at all levels so that all can focus more on whether work gets done and not where it gets done.
Men Can Step Up
Many men have taken on more responsibility during the pandemic, but it should be a concerted effort to make it even. Evenly splitting the increased burden at home will help ensure women come through this period with their jobs and, more importantly, their health intact.
For businesses considering hires:
Ignore a Gap In Resumes
When looking for new hires for positions, consider 2020 as a gap for all candidates. By treating this time period as a grace period, Millennial women who have had to put job seeking on hold have a chance to be considered competitive with male counterparts.
Offer Childcare Solutions
As Melinda Gates addressed in her article "How rethinking caregiving could play a crucial role in restarting the economy", caregiving is critical for mothers of young children to return to work. Forty-seven states have closed schools for the remainder of the academic year with no certainty around the Fall semester, and thousands of day-care centers may never reopen.
Paid Family Leave and Sick Time
It’s hard to stay home sick in a country where 1 in 4 workers lacks even a single paid sick day. Women with no maternity leave have no option. Leaders need to address these employee benefits and consider how to offer what should be mandatory for every business to embrace all employees, let alone women. By alienating women’s basic family needs, businesses are only hurting themselves and losing all of the benefits of having trained, loyal employees.
Flexible Job Descriptions
Allow senior managers to focus on their expertise, interests and passions when shaping their job responsibilities. This will enable your business to embrace different leadership styles and foster a more inclusive work environment that engages all employees.
SUMMATION
This is an unprecedented time that none of us have been through before. As a society, we have to build and maintain empathy for all circumstances and experiences. My hope is that shining a light on the specific experiences of a segment of professional women will strengthen a public dialogue, build awareness, and encourage initiatives to protect this important group as we move toward business solutions. We need to support these women as they embrace their roles as moms and caregivers. It would be a shame for businesses and the public not to embrace and support the roles these women are filling as a primary thread in the fabric of our society.
In addition to understanding this niche, my personal aim is to also build my awareness around as many of the other different experiences as humanly possible to increase my frame of reference. Siloed attention is not going to help any of us grow. It grounds me to see, hear and feel all of the human stories. It connects my heart to what matters most – people.
“Empathy is seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of another, and feeling with the heart of another.” Anonymous